Letters to Zoe

The whole stay-at-home mom thing is incredibly confusing.

If you google "stay at home mom"  you are bound to come up with a million advertisements claiming that "you can earn 1,000/week working at home!" . These are seemingly aimed at moms desperate to find a way to care for their own kids.

 There are  also dozens of chat sites . Both sides seem to be trying to convince the other side that they have it better.
Women who stay at home say they spend endless time in googoo-gaagaa land. They wish they could enjoy adult conversation once in a while.
Working women angrily denounce stay-at-home moms for bemoaning the luxury of hanging out with their children. "If I could afford it...I would stay home too," is a common cry from the working camp. 

"You can afford it", say the mom's at home. "Everyone who cuts costs can live on one income!", or "it's not some dreamy vacation!"
Indignation seems to be the one thing both sides have in common.

In the real world, the whole debate can easily border on offensive to some people. When I went to a baby shower at Chris' school (after Zoe was born), I talked to one father who had a strong opinion.
"Women who don't stay home and take care of their children shouldn't have children." He told me.
Shouldn't have children? Really?
 I couldn't believe that he could feel that strongly about the issue.
At the same baby shower, I had two women ask me, "So when are you returning to work?" as if that were the natural question for the mother of a 4-week old baby.

Women get defensive when you ask them if they are working. They get defensive when you ask them if they are staying at home.
I found myself trying to justify my situation when people asked me whether I was teaching this year.
"I'm staying home, for now," I tell them "I'll get a job in a couple of months though."
Why do we feel defensive?
Nowadays, it feelss like being a stay-at-home mom is just not good enough. But, if you are a working mom, you are often judged for not spending enough time with your kids.
Women have been backed into a corner. We can't do it all. I guess we'll just be left to defend our own choices--even if we aren't comfortable with them ourselves.

So now that you have heard all the reasons that breastfeeding can be a huge bummer, here are the reasons breastfeeding rocks.

1. Your Baby Needs....You.
It can be difficult balancing all the things you have to do with your day (or all the things you used to do!), and a little one. However, there is no one that can satisfy your baby's needs but you. Your baby has a built-in "timer" ( her pea-size stomach) that will cause an automatic cry in your baby when she is hungry. And guess who will always be there to provide? Mom.
Whether you are a stay-at-home mom, a working mom, or even if you choose not to breastfeed, you will probably still be the primary source of comfort and nurturing for your child. That is something to be proud of.

2. Slow down and enjoy.
I am so thankful that my type "A" personality with its' go, go , go, mentality was given the chance to take a break and enjoy the "quotidian" part of life. The quotidian things are the basic necessities, like washing dishes, vacuuming, etc. I often spend vast amounts of time avoiding the basics, because, let's face it---they seem boring.
Having a baby will force you to take life a little slower. The painful part of breastfeeding will usually go away in about 7-10 days. Then it's all downhill after this.
 Take time to stop and notice her perfect little nose while she is pressed against you. Isn't she perfect?

3. Bonding
Breastfeeding is one of the main ways I felt like I bonded with Zoe. (This is definitely not to say that you can't bond if you are not breastfeeding.) It helped me to maintain an almost constant tie to my baby. I am always thinking about her, even as I am doing something else. (Is she hungry, does she miss me?) When I get back home from a trip to the grocery store, or a night out with my hubby, and I rush to see this little face in front of me:



All I want to do is bring her close and give her everything she needs.