Dear Baby #2

February 7, 2013
I'm 18 weeks pregnant.
 In case you missed the memo in the last couple blog posts, my husband and I are anticipating the birth of baby #2. I guess I've been sort of "anticipating" it, but not quite the same way as I waited for Zoe. This time around, I don't have as many questions. I'm just sort of used to the groaning wake-up call of my first baby jolting me awake another day. I drink a coffee everyday. (Yes, I do, and I'm not going to apologize for the sort-of-guilty-way I feel about it because I don't know how I would get through my day without napping 2 hours otherwise). I have two hours in my day where I don't feel bone-tired. During these hours, I drink my coffee so I can work hard at my part-time job while Zoe sleeps.
I'm just trying to get by.

Today, when I went in for my appointment with the midwife, I had to pee in a cup. The nurse happened to be one of those I'm-going-to-make-you-feel-guilty-about-your-healthcare types of people.(I really think there are two types of nurses---the super nice, I-want-to-educate-you-nicely type, and the I-want-to-make-you-feel-guilty type). She looked at me sternly when I came back in the room and said, "I found protein in your urine."
I must have looked confused, as in, what the heck does that mean?!
I gave a weak smile and tried an educated guess, "Does that mean I am dehydrated?" I said.
"Probably." She said and looked down at her chart.
"Well, that makes sense. I am so tired all the time." I told her. "I'll make a real effort to drink more water," I said guiltily.

By the time the mid-wife came in, I was feeling guilty about the Starbucks' tall latte stashed in my stroller like some sort of illegal drugs or something. Plus, Zoe was acting up and crying until she saw my belly-button (she loves' belly-buttons) and got to press it in while the mid-wife found the baby's heart beat.
And there it was.
Baby #2. The beautiful, rhythmic heartbeat.
"The baby is O.K.?" I gasped, almost unsure that despite my coffee-drinking habits, along with apparent dehydration problems (later the mid-wife said it was because it was morning and not to be worried about it), the baby wasn't struggling in there.
"Perfect heartbeat."
"I've been drinking coffee everyday." I sputtered.
She laughed. "You are fine. The baby's heartbeat is strong and you are doing great."
I wanted to hug her.
"It's so reassuring to hear the heartbeat." I touched my now-egg shaped belly.

I think I fell a little bit more in love with #2 today. Watching Zoe poke my bellybutton in and the mid-wife find that heartbeat reminded me of the magic when I first heard Zoe's heartbeat.
 I remember my first pregnancy I spent figuring out what it meant to love her, and at times I wasn't sure I  knew her at all, even though she was inside of me--the closest you can be to another person.

 I wish somebody had told me that love is a growing process---just like marriage---it begins like the sound of a small heartbeat and you aren't sure it's love at all, and then it becomes louder and louder until it crashes over you and consumes you. Then you are filled with this loud, obnoxious love that comes out in hugs and kisses and lots of tears.

That's how my love for Zoe has grown.
 
"Zoe," I whispered, while she was sitting next to me on the doctor's table. "There's a baby in my belly-button." She poked my bellybutton again, "Bee!"







Posted by Briana Meade. Posted In : Mom's 

 

The Fun Begins At 30.

February 2, 2013
Over Christmas break, I asked my mom to give me the details of the decades of her lives. I prompted her first by saying, "Do you even remember how hard your 20's were with 3 kids?" She laughed and said, "yeah, 20's were pretty miserable, crazy and busy. Our 30's were fun as you kids grew up and we traveled, and 40's are great too."

I pretty much expected as much. I can't quite remember if she used the word "miserable", but I can completely relate to the craziness and weirdness that has become our 20's. I'll never forget the look of utter shock on my parents' faces when I naively announced that I was pregnant. I had no idea what a life-changer it was.

Now, as I processed everything last night with Chris, I am amazed at the highs and low of parenthood so far.  We have about one night per week where both Chris and I are not tired, exhausted, angry, sad, or just plain pooped out. And, you know, what? That's finally become okay with us. It's just the way it is right now. There is a lot going on in Chris' life. He is searching for a new job and has had multiple interviews while trying to work 50+ hours a week. I am carrying baby #2 and complaining all the way through it--as I did with baby numero uno.

 The best part of it is, we feel grown up about the whole thing, in a "let's play grown ups" kind of way. We so badly want to be good at this.

This week we forced ourselves to go on a fun date to Blue Man Group in Chicago. Our rationale was, "we never do something like this." We were able to get cheap Groupons, and I ate a hot dog while we ran through the freezing ZERO degree weather to the show. I remember Chris turning to me and saying, "doesn't this remind you of that one year when we were first married?" We only had one year, you guys! Not even. We are so nostalgic about that one year. It comes up every time we do something super fun, silly, or non-grown up.

We laugh at ourselves. We think it's funny that Chris' friends think that he's boring and won't stay up until 3 am playing video games anymore. We think showers are mini-vacations. We imagine a clean room and a movie is the same thing as going to the spa to get a massage.

As Chris has said to me many times: I wouldn't trade this for the world. What would we be doing otherwise? Going to concerts, out to restaurants (spending all our money on "fun" things in our 20's!), being the people we were for less than one year after we got married, but not growing up in the ways we have this past year.

Chris, is way better about the whole "growing up" thing than me though. I freely admit that I sometimes feel jealous of people in their 20's, doing those things people do in their 20's.  However, Chris and I remind ourselves that those same people will get to do what we are doing.... in their 30's! We are just "off" by a good decade.

The mentor-lady I was blogging about earlier has 4 kids, two of which are twins! I'll never forget what she said about life after she had the twins (at that point she had 4 kids under 5?)--she said that it's a weird blurr to her---that she can't even remember that time period in her life because it was so rough.
I think those with greater than 3+ kids can probably relate to that. Everyday I am thankful for my little one (yes, I only have one and I complain about it, wait til I have TWO!). Mothers are my new heroes.

The funny thing is, those of you who read this blog as long-time moms are probably thinking, "yeah, duh. I already knew that," about everything that I say! You are way ahead of me. I have so much to learn. So here's to my crazy, tired 20's. Looking forward to those Disney-land-filled, more-time-for-me 30's.




Posted by Briana Meade. Posted In : Parenting 

 
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