I am not sure I am going to survive this part of my life. Nothing could have prepared me for the sleep training I have undergone for an intensive 35+ days and counting. I am pretty sure that every mom of 2+ kids could survive military bootcamp, or Navy Seal Training. I mean, come on, if I can lift a 30 lb. car seat in one hand, grab the arm of a 30 lb. toddler in the other hand, and still manage to balance my precarious diaper bag filled with: every size of diaper, a juice bottle, 3-4 pairs of clothing, a spit up cloth, a changing pad, and a baby carrier---then I am prepared to scale a few walls. 

Compromises must be made. Heck, I didn't have a nursing cover at the park this morning, so I used my husband's t-shirt found on the bottom of our car. (Also found at the bottom: 35 goldfish, pieces of Starbucks banana bread, 3 sippy cups, a toy motorcycle, and a pair of broken sunglasses, in addition to numerous unidentifiable objects).

This doesn't even begin to describe the lengths I have gone to to fight for my own sanity and feed these darn children, bathe these little monkeys, and try to brush at least one molar of Zoe's teeth.

If eyeliner is found anywhere on my face, its a good day. (Disclaimer: This post is not meant for moms of 2+ children who have been to hell and back. Seriously. I know you are rolling your eyes right now. I feel like I am in the trenches of a battle, but you must have fought something akin to WWIII).

Kaiden has been sleeping 2 hours at a time at night. I have literally not slept for a full 4 hours for exactly 4 1/2 weeks. Do you know what this does to someone? (Those of you with children do.) It makes you cray-cray. Like, sobbing on the ground and throwing a tantrum when your own mother is around because you just want to stop being so darn responsible for these tiny creatures' lives. Some of the choice sentences that have been said in the past couple weeks (either to my mother or to Chris), have been "I give up." (To which my mom aptly replied 'you don't have a choice') to " I will never have another child, ever--" to multiple ideas about outsourcing childcare and going back to work.

It's that bad.
But, as always, there has to be a silver lining somewhere. Now where is it?

For those who are interested, I thought I would give you a play-by-play of the life of a mother with two children. For many, this will be a time machine to the past, but for those of you who have yet to experience the toddler + baby combo pack, this will be a window to your future (or at least the future with newborn #2)

4:30 am: The day begins. Kaiden is crying after waking up every 2 hours throughout the night. I feed him. Chris takes him when I am finished and lays him on his chest so that they are stomach to stomach. The little guy is a NOISY one. Like, he makes noise 24-7. I drift in and out of sleep to the sound of Chris patting him and Kaiden crying.

6:30 am: I don't think I've slept for the past two hours.

6:35 am: A toddler is screaming MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY from the next room. I am pretty sure this toddler belongs to me. I stumble out of bed to let her out. Change a poopy diaper. Put some clothes on her. I can hear Chris getting cereal in the other room. Kaiden is crying. Feed Kaiden.

7:30 am: It takes a while to get Kaiden changed. He poops again. Change his diaper again. Wish that I had time to grab something to eat before we leave to bring Chris to work. Chris takes out 3 bags of trash that we created in one day. I grab the car seat, with Kaiden strapped in, Zoe's hand, and the unzipped, overflowing diaper bag.

7:45 am: Chris goes back to lock the door and grab lunch. We are all strapped in the car. Zoe wants a song. We listen to a song about a "chicken in a bathroom" for the next 25 minutes.

7:48: Kaiden keeps losing his pacifier and screaming. I undo my seatbelt, straddle the middle console for the rest of the ride. Zoe is singing "Buck-buck-buck-buck-buck" like a chicken.

8:05: We arrive at Chris' workplace. Kaiden won't stop screaming. He is red in the face and sweaty. Chris takes him out of the car seat for a second. We argue about how bad my day is going to be. Ending in you can't possibly understand how bad it is. Chris tells me to drop Zoe off for two hours at the drop-in daycare down the street. I am determined not to unless I am desperate. How desperate am I? I need a Starbucks.

8:30: I drive home while Kaiden screams. Check out the drop-in daycare. No other children are there yet. Zoe is shouting "friends! friends! friends!" Must find a way to get Zoe some friend time. Drive to the park.

9:30: We are at the park. Going relatively well. Zoe is digging in the sand and following a little girl around. Feed Kaiden. He is hungry and way over-do for milk. Use Chris' old shirt to cover me. Hope no one notices.

10:00: Snack time. Zoe wants the cheerios that belong to the other little girl. Tear her away from Cheerios while Kaiden's head bob wildly around on my shoulder. Give Zoe goldfish. She eats one of the ground before I notice.

10:30: Driving home from the park. Grab car seat, Zoe's hand, and bag with stuff. Find 3 moldy sippy cups in the back and throw them into my bag to wash in the dishwasher. Lovely.

11:00: Inside the apartment. Zoe is pulling on me to play with toys. Kaiden won't stop crying. Cannot do both at once. Try to get Zoe some lunch. Lunch today is Strawberries, Tomatoes, and Cheese. YUP. More cheese on the floor than in her mouth. Still feeling successful.

11:30: Half an hour of Elmo for Zoe. Changing Zoe's diaper and forgot to put on another one because I had to attend to Kaiden? Either way, Zoe sneaks into the bathroom and pees in the potty for the first time EVER. I AM THRILLED. I ascribe this to my excellent mother skills. Somehow, I knew she wasn't going to pee on the carpet, even though this has happened before. Zoe gets a cookie for potty training herself today.

12:00 Warm milk in the microwave for Zoe. Change Kaiden's diaper. Change Zoe's diaper. Nap time clothes. Turn on oven for my own food. Cut tomato and mozzarella and put on some bread. Put in oven. Pray that I don't forget. Put Zoe to bed. Kaiden crying. Feed Kaiden. Zoe goes to bed for her two hour nap. Kaiden finally passes out after I walk him around for 15 minutes.


----------------- To Be Continued -------------