Last year, around this time, I found out I was pregnant. It seems like ages ago, because Zoe has become such a staple in my life. I remember though a time where I felt a crippling, ridiculous amount of fear over my pregnancy.
Now, granted, I was working 60 hours a week. I was constantly sick from the flu or strep, crying in the shower every single day, and waking up with mini "panic" attacks. Sometimes I would be so upset that I'd fall asleep crying, and wake up crying from being asleep (if you think this is me, it is not).
    Last year permanently changed me. I'll write more about this sometime--but basically I was stuck in a job with no security where people got fired on a whim (they could always hire someone else in the economy).
 I was constantly being negatively critiqued--oftentimes with feedback that wasn't even related to my performance. In addition, I was so exhausted from being pregnant that I would work from 6am-5pm, then arrive home at 6pm and be in bed by 7 pm. My husband can attest to this.
In the midst of being barely able to take care of myself, I was suddenly charged with taking care of one more person-- a little being that I had yet to meet.
To be honest, there were days where I wasn't so sure this baby-thing would work out.
(There was never a moment where I thought about not having a baby--there were definitely moments when I wasn't sure that I was ready to be a mom.)

So much has changed. It's hard to believe that last Christmas we found out we were having a baby, last Spring we found out that baby was a girl--little Zoe, and that only five months ago I went through the amazing several hours that was giving birth to her.

In the past few months, I have watched my smiling little angel go from vaguely being aware of the world around her, to goofily giving me a smile that I know is just for me.
 She went from sleeping all the time (except for night time) to sleeping only when she is warm, comfortable and in a dark place.
Her hair went from pitch black to honey-brown. Her eyes went from blueish-black to a gorgeous navy.
Most of all, every morning, when she wakes up I get to be there for cuddle time.
I get to help her stand on her wobbly two legs.
I get to see her bobble-head neck get stronger.
I  watch her goofy half grin when she sees herself in the mirror.
There is so much that changes every day with her.

The key is this: last year I spent so much time being afraid of this year. This year I don't want to spend being terrified of next year.  Oftentimes, God works things out in ways we could never imagine. I had no idea I would love being a mom. I couldn't have anticipated the cocktail of hormones, smiles and baby smell that would propel me into love.
So. To 2012, Come on in!