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It's not getting easier.  I have struggled these first 7 weeks with two kids. I have fought with my own thoughts and ended up in the deep side of the proverbial swimming pool, not really sure whether I am treading water or drowning. Even now, as I just put Zoe back to sleep after changing her diaper, I can hear her screaming in the other room "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!". I know that if she doesn't take a nap, the rest of my day will be a nightmare of crying, whining, and screaming because she will...
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Last week I yelled "I'm BREASTFEEDING!" at a TSA Agent at the Raleigh-Durham Airport. Yup. I've heard stories about women getting booted out of restaurants or malls for breastfeeding in public--but I've never actually met one of these women. Maybe it's because I am a part of a generation that avidly believes in tolerance and freedom-to-do-as-you-will, but I find it hard to believe that someone would come up to me while I am feeding my baby and ask me to stop. It seems circa 1950, Betty-Draper...
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Dear Christopher,
If there has been any silver lining to the past few weeks, it has been you. In the midst of mutually giving up every spare moment of our time to this little tiny one and the busiest toddler in the world, we have somehow remained maritally unscathed. Your arms feel safer than ever, as I watch you carry Kaiden, football style, for hours on end. I know that you will do the same for me when I need it. You pull more than your weight, and you don't complain.

And here we are, a...
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I am not sure I am going to survive this part of my life. Nothing could have prepared me for the sleep training I have undergone for an intensive 35+ days and counting. I am pretty sure that every mom of 2+ kids could survive military bootcamp, or Navy Seal Training. I mean, come on, if I can lift a 30 lb. car seat in one hand, grab the arm of a 30 lb. toddler in the other hand, and still manage to balance my precarious diaper bag filled with: every size of diaper, a juice bottle, 3-4 pairs o...
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Its been 3 months since I've last posted. What started out as a two week break turned into a three-month period where I felt increasingly private and withdrawn from most people in my life. I talked to two of my friends about this and they both confirmed that they felt "like they wanted to stay inside all day" when pregnant. In addition to wanting to stay inside my house all day, I've overall wanted to stay inside MYSELF for the past three months.

I haven't posted since we found a new job and ...
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I've never flown first class before. That is, up until two days ago. Chris managed to get a first class flight with the same amount of miles that it would have cost for an economy flight (due to some generosity on the part of my father-in-law). He wasn't even going to tell me about it, until he realized that I am just a little bit hair-brained and would probably fight with the ticket counter about my mistaken "first-class" ticket.
"I could just imagine you getting really....confused." Chris to...
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I'm on vacation at my parents in North Carolina for two weeks. So thankful for the little things: the glasses of water my mom makes me drink, the food that is placed on the table before my eyes. This pregnancy has been exhausting for me. Just  when I am certain I can pick myself up, I get thrown down again. I'm having a hard time accepting the fact that my body is NOT going to cooperate, no matter how many cups of coffee I drink. Instead, I am learning to go with the waves, let them pull me i...
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I started crying at the midwife today. Yup, one of those days where I just could not hold it in. I had been sitting in my car before the appointment, trying to muster up the courage to tell God that I know it's all going to be all right no matter what because He is good  (I'm still not there yet.) and I was listening to some mushy Christian song on the radio--that always does it for me.
Then I went in, with my heart beating in my throat, peed in the cup, sat down and cried about how "overwhel...
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My mom always says that God blesses us, in that, when one person is down-and-out, the other person in the marriage can pick them back up again. Then, you switch roles. One person always has to be up to bat.
It was 2 am in the morning and I didn't have my contacts in. I was searching feverishly for a lost pacifier. The holy grail of sleeping. I literally couldn't see 2 inches in front of my face without glasses, so I was fumbling all over Zoe's crib.  Zoe, meanwhile, was screaming at the top...
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Valentine's Day did not go as planned this year.
Chris and I have a whirlwind second week of February every year. We have Valentines Day the 14th, Chris' birthday the 19th, and my birthday the 21st. I never think I can get sick of eating at restaurants, until the second week of February rolls around. Every year.
We can never decide if we should go out to eat all three days.

Chris has always done an amazing job of making Valentine's Day special. One year we went to the Melting Pot (to-die-for-...
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I'm 18 weeks pregnant.
 In case you missed the memo in the last couple blog posts, my husband and I are anticipating the birth of baby #2. I guess I've been sort of "anticipating" it, but not quite the same way as I waited for Zoe. This time around, I don't have as many questions. I'm just sort of used to the groaning wake-up call of my first baby jolting me awake another day. I drink a coffee everyday. (Yes, I do, and I'm not going to apologize for the sort-of-guilty-way I feel about it becau...
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Over Christmas break, I asked my mom to give me the details of the decades of her lives. I prompted her first by saying, "Do you even remember how hard your 20's were with 3 kids?" She laughed and said, "yeah, 20's were pretty miserable, crazy and busy. Our 30's were fun as you kids grew up and we traveled, and 40's are great too."

I pretty much expected as much. I can't quite remember if she used the word "miserable", but I can completely relate to the craziness and weirdness that has become ...
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It's been a big year. In the last year, I've watched Zoe grow into a 1 1/2 year old, wild toddler with her own opinion about everything. I've seen Chris excel at his job and become a man I am ever more proud of,  and I've watched my slow, painful, yet exciting transition into full-time mommy, part-time careerist.

The last process was the most difficult. I've felt like yelling "NO! I'm not ready for this!". I've literally kicked, screamed, and fought my way through motherhood (much the way leav...
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Dear Zoe,
I probably won't let you read this until you are a mom yourself, because there are too many complex feelings that I can't work out. Here's the deal: I haven't really loved being a mom, until today. Before you feel upset, or like it's your fault, let me tell you this: it has nothing to do with how great you are. Everyone is always telling me how "good" you are, how wonderful your behavior is, and how you are such an easy baby.

For months now, I've been unable to pinpoint the problem. ...
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I was really looking forward to Christmas vacation, like, "crying-in-the-shower, counting-down-the-days-looking-forward-to Christmas-vacation." December 21st, the day I was supposed to fly to North Carolina with Zoe, couldn't come fast enough. Chris, Zoe, and I were flying to North Carolina to see my parents, my siblings, and my sister's new spouse, Jamie.

 

The day before we were supposed to leave, I was frantically packing a suitcase of baby things. (Zoe takes up twice t...

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It's the day after Christmas and I've caught myself reflecting on the many ways the women of the Bible show us the daily joys and trials of motherhood. When I was pregnant with Zoe, I often flipped through the Bible, looking for solace from any story that related to carrying a baby in the womb. (By the way, isn't womb a strange word?) . Around Christmas, I felt a strange kinship with Mary that I had never felt before. I would sing the songs about the baby in the manger, secretly anticipating ...
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        The millennial generation has been the hardest hit by the recession. We are also the most optimistic about our future economic prospects. According to the Pew Research Center, about nine-in-ten either say that “they currently have enough money or that they will eventually meet their long-term financial goals.” This, despite the fact that “fully 37% of 18- to 29-year-olds are unemployed or out of the workforce, the highest share among this age group in more than three decades...

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Having a baby is ridiculously hard. Ridiculously. It's been a long time since I last posted on Zoe, but incredibly, she has kept growing like a bean-stalk and is now 15 months-old. Sometimes I can't believe we've made it this far. Many days, I question my own sanity and spend the day quietly screaming inside. My husband comes home and the first thing he hears is me saying "What am I doing wrong?!" (followed by sobbing, and not the quiet kind). When Zoe throws a tantrum 7 times a day, I fantas...
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My husband's favorite Disney movie is Aladdin. When I say favorite, I mean "memorized all the lines and could say them backwords from the last line--to the opening credits." If Aladdin is on TV, I will literally say "go", and Chris will say every line before it comes up.
He's amazing like that. He memorized the lines back in the day when our parent hooked up cassette recorders before we fell asleep. They might have secretly hoped that we would become incredible readers as the sound piped thro...
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I just returned from visiting my parents in North Carolina this last week.  It was a wonderful time for Zoe to see her "Mumu" and "Mufa" (these are pseudo-Norwegian terms for "grandma and grandpa" because, well, we can't seem to get the sounds right). 

 In the mean time, I have been thinking a lot about how much to share on this blog. 
 
Its a little bit terrifying to think about all the people who do (or don't ) read this blog. Random friends from high school, grandparents, cousins, etc. There ...
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Dearest Zoe,
I am realizing that you are only mine for a short amount of time. I look at you, growing so fast everyday, in leaps and bounds. One day you could smile, and now you can laugh. When you are in someone else's arms, and you give me your special "mommy" smile, my heart melts. I had no idea how hard and fast I would fall for you.
With this new love has come new fears. I used to be consumed by my own fears-- fear of my  emotions, of my new job, of not making the right decisions. Now, tho...
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It has been a whopping two weeks since my last post. In that time, Zoe has rolled over, (I know, yippee!) and learned to become an incredible jumping machine. She jumps so fast, she is a "blur" in real time.

The new problem with the Zo is night time. Up until now, Zoe has fallen asleep without a peep. She has even been known to pass out while jumping, a phenomenon I wish I could achieve (can you imagine, you're jumping up to say hello to someone, and then suddenly...you're asleep).



Her incred...
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Today Zoe is five months old! I can't believe how fast it has all gone. Yesterday I took some pictures of her at five months. It was fifty degrees outside (pretty much  like spring/summer in Chicago!) and I had just gotten this crazy pink tu-tu in the  mail. Its called a "Ruffle butt" which seems entirely appropriate, considering. She had no idea why she was sitting outside on the cold concrete, staring at the snow without her snow-suit on. Its hard to get cute pictures in the winter time, so...
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When I was in N.H. to visit my grandfather at the hospital last fall, I met a nurse with her six-month old baby. This little girl usually goes to daycare while her mom works. Her mom told me an amazing thing about this daycare her daughter attended. They teach the little girl sign language! I found this kind of unbelievable at first. She was only six months old, after all, but she could sign several different words. She signs "milk", "eat", and "mom".  It was amazing to see this little baby c...
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    I've really gotten into reading blogs. I have some really talented friends who write about anything and everything. Right now, Zoe is screaming her little lungs out in the background because she is "supposed" to be napping. I have to go check on her every couple minutes. Lets just say, this is one of those days when it would be nice to curl up with a nice blog, but yeah, that's not happening.
      Chris' best friend, Matt, has a sister (whom I have only met on passing) , and somehow I ...
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(From the perspective of "the Zo")
A Day in the Life Part I

  5:30 a.m. My daddy, Chris stealthily attempts to get out of bed without waking me up. Because I now have the hearing capabilities of a predatory African lion on the Savanna, I almost always hear the rustle of the ties in the closet. He thinks he can do something without me getting involved. Ha! I'll show him!

5:32 a.m. I scream to let my presence be known. After all, who do you think rules the roost around here?

5:35 a.m. Yesssss. Pick...
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“The Zo" (as my cute little Einstein-hair cherub is now called sometimes), is anything but helpful. She does not want me to do anything but hang with her. I really thought I could get a lot done with her around, but that was when she slept more. It’d be fine if she wanted to g...

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 I haven't blogged because I have been kind of depressed with the whole permanently graying landscape outside my window. I recently had this conversation with my hubby 
 (who is the best thing that ever happened to me by the way, and has put up with all of my craziness lately).
 
Briana: "You know how I whine and complain every October because winter is coming?"
Chris: You mean how you talk for hours about the cold and darkness?
Briana: Yeah.
Chris: How you mope around the house? How you hate going...
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